


Just like heaven

by thekingssong



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-29
Updated: 2013-01-29
Packaged: 2017-11-27 09:45:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/660508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekingssong/pseuds/thekingssong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Times were always hard for Castiel. Things always happened to cause him grief. But what if one good thing did happen? And what if that one good thing is taken away from him? Castiel has to make some tough choices, not all good. But it all leads up to one outcome. His fate was sealed a very long time ago. As was his brother's. And you shall soon find out how.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just like heaven

**Author's Note:**

> This contains spoilers to a part of the new season of Supernatural. If you have not seen the episode Torn and Frayed, I do suggest not reading this. Unless you want to be spoiled, then go right ahead and read this. You have my permission.

Heaven was always a sanctuary. Always a safe haven for anyone to turn to. God lived there; therefore, it was always wonderful. When God made the angels, it was out of love. It was also, though no one knew, out of loneliness. For a long time, God was the only one. The only one in heaven. The only one in the universe. Being the only being in existence could not have been very comforting. Before God created the stars and the galaxies and the different solar systems with the different planets and moons, God created the angels. There was Gabriel, Castiel, Samandriel, Lucifer, Balthazar, Michael, Uriel, Anna, Raphael, and Zachariah, to name a few. Though some of these angels have done terrible things, all of them were pure. That’s how they were born, of course. Every last one of them was pure at heart. Gabriel, always making different things, always playing tricks on his brothers and sisters. He never meant any harm when he played those tricks. Michael and Lucifer. The two eldest brothers who did their best to keep everyone in line, though sometimes, they went out of line themselves. Uriel and Raphael. Inseparable. They could have been joined at the hip. They went everywhere and anywhere together. Where one went, you could be damned sure the other wouldn’t be far behind. Zachariah kept to himself mostly. Dreaming different dreams while he sat under different trees and watched different birds. Balthazar creating different weapons for different situations. He was the one who gave David the slingshot that he used to defeat Goliath after all. David didn’t know this of course. He thought the idea for the slingshot came to him in a dream, and in a way it did. Anna, the sweet, gentle angel who cooed over every animal her Father made. And Castiel and Samandriel. The youngest of the angels. It is said that Castiel’s weakness was always having too much heart and compassion and Samandriel’s caring for others more than he cares for himself. (That, later on, would prove true). Castiel would take care of Samandriel like it was the only thing he had to do. Like Dean takes care of Sam, but in an angel way. Whenever Balthazar would practice his weapons on Samandriel and hurt him accidentally, little Samandriel would run crying into the comforting arms of his older brother who would hold him until the pain eased. When Gabriel would play a trick on him, Samandriel would run to Castiel for assistance, and Castiel would wait with open arms.

Though there are so many different angels that have so many stories to be told, this one is about the angel with too much heart and the angel who didn’t care enough for himself.

This story takes place in no other then heaven itself. It takes place when God first created the angels. When his love was unconditional. Before he left and disappeared. Heaven is much like earth. With the greenest grass, the tallest trees and the warmest light. Angels, without their vessels, are like stars. They aren’t gas but intense beings made from light. They do have a shape much like a human’s but their light, their souls, are so intense, that if a human were to set eyes on them without their vessels, they would go blind, for their light is too hard on the eyes. Some say that the brightest lights were those of Michael and Lucifer for they were the eldest and the ones closest to their Father. But in fact, the brightest lights, the purest of souls, were those of Castiel and Samandriel. The youngest and the most compassionate of all the angles created.

Because we know the two angels with their vessels, Jimmy Novak and Alfie, their physical characteristics will be described as such, for the sake of actually finishing this story. As goes for the rest of the angels and their vessels. A bit of imagination will be needed to picture them as children.

The names for the days of the week had not been made yet. That was left to the humans and their different religions. Angels lived day to day, each day just as special. But because of timing, it is fit to say that the day was in fact a Tuesday. The trees and the grass seemed to be the greenest they had ever been. The air, the perfect temperature. God was out, passing through different places in heaven, making sure everything was perfect as it always was. He did that once in a while. Take in all the beauty that he created. His children were all out as well. Each in a different part of the vast heaven. Anna sat in a grand oak tree. See looked out and took in all that she could see. Under her, Zachariah in his land of dreams, a blue bird perched sleeping soundly on his knee, a gentle breeze rustling the feathers of the little bird and the hair of the two angels. Lucifer and Michael walked with their Father. They liked to walk with him. They adored him with everything in them. Balthazar, Uriel, and Raphael went about walking the gardens. Balthazar never ceasing to talk about his new weapons even when his brothers ignored him. After a while, he went off on his own. His brother’s did a good job of ignoring him and be became bored. Castiel sat in a forest of oak trees, laying peacefully in the grass and the fallen leaves. The young angel looked up through the breaks in the leaves, up to the light shining down in sparkling rays. The warm sun kissing his skin. Castiel closed his eyes and laid there in the peaceful sunlight. It wasn’t a minute before he felt a disturbance. Castiel had grown a closeness to the environment in heaven. He could tell whenever something had changed. He had that feeling now. Opening his eyes to the sky of heaven, Castiel sat himself up. He looked around and then heard the softest screech of a caterpillar. Castiel had grown acquainted to that sound, for all the birds tried to have them for breakfast. (The phrase ‘the early bird catches the worm’ originated up in heaven). Standing up and stretching his still growing wings behind him, Castiel turned and looked up into the tree now in front of him and saw a sparrow struggling against a branch that blocked a fuzzy black caterpillar. Castiel made his way up the tree, using his wings for balance as he moved up the trunk and across the branches. When he reached the end of the branch that the small caterpillar sat on, he took the fuzzy being between his fingers and set it down gently beside him.

“Forgive me my dear friend, but he still has a long life ahead of him. This one I have to save. Something big will happen to him  in his future. Try some berries from the neighboring tree. They are very sweet and filling.” Said the young angel to the sparrow that hovered before him, tilting its head to one side, taking in what Castiel had said. It gave two chirps and flew to the neighbor tree, just as Castiel had said. Castiel turned to see the small caterpillar wriggling its way up his knee. He picked up the little fuzz and held it in front of him.

“Sorry you had to go through that.” Castiel started. “You should be more careful next time. I can’t always be there to save you. Try hiding out in the hollowed out areas in the trees. That should give you a little more protection.” He placed the caterpillar down and it scurried off as quickly as it could to a small hole in the tree trunk. Castiel smiled at himself. He felt good when he saved a creatures life. Though it was the natural way, he didn’t like it when a creature killed another to survive. That’s why he would give options. Castiel sat on the bough, his small legs dangling below him. In the distance, he saw the distinct light of his Father. His Father gave off a different light than the angels did. You could always tell Him from the others. For a moment, everything was peaceful. Then a pang of something awful hit him in the stomach. The disturbance was still there. But it wasn’t a natural disturbance. It was with the angels. Someone was in distress. Castiel didn’t have to see the angel to know who it was. Samandriel. All the other angels picked on him. All except for Anna and himself. Though Anna didn’t use him as a dummy for testing weapons or playing tricks on, Samandriel always ran to Castiel. He had a closer bond with his older brother. Castiel sat for a moment on the bough and waited. He knew that Samandriel would come running and he knew that he would take is young brother in his arms and do everything he could to comfort him while he calmed down. Castiel waited for a while, not sure if the other angel was chasing poor Samandriel around, if one of them had tied Samandriel up, or if the feeling he had was just a feeling he had. His thoughts were answered just a moment later. From the distance, Castiel could barely hear the would be loud cry of  “CASTIEL!” from his young brother. The cries grew louder as Samandriel drew closer. In just a minute’s time, Castiel could hear the light pounding of Samandriel’s feet upon the moist grass. “BALTHAZAR! STOP! PLEASE! I AM NOT A TARGET FOR YOUR WEAPONS!” Samandriel cried. Castiel sighed. He still did not know why his brothers liked to hurt little Samandriel. He never did anything to anyone unless is was to be helpful in some way. And yet, after everything, they still choose him to practice on. No matter how hard he tried, Castiel will never understand. At this point, Samandriel had found Castiel and was under the tree, doing his best to shimmy up the wide trunk, up to the bough where Castiel had taken a seat. Castiel looked down at his brother and into his baby eyes. They were full of terror and confusion. Castiel was confused at this but he leaped down and stopped Balthazar in his tracks. Balthazar was smiling, laughing out of breath when Castiel stopped him. He held a bow in one hand and slung over his shoulder, a sheath of small arrows.

“Oh come now, Samandriel. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was an accident” Balthazar explained. When Castiel looked over at Samandriel cowering against the tree, he saw that it was no accident to his bother.

“Brother. Why do you do this to him?” Castiel asked. “You do not have to practice on him. There are trees and bushes, walls and stone to practice on. Leave Samandriel alone. He has done nothing to you.”

“Come on, Cassie. You know I’m just teasing. I didn’t even hurt him that badly.” Balthazar pleaded now. “Look. Go see. It wasn’t that bad. I didn't mean-“ Castiel cut him off before he could finish his sentence.

“Balthazar. Leave before you make it worse. He’s terrified. Just… go. I’ll make sure he’s alright.” Castiel said softly. Balthazar looked at him, nodded once and turned to leave. But before he did, he looked back at Samandriel who was now peeking out from behind the large trunk. “Really Samandriel. I’m sorry.” He said and he walked away. Once he was good and gone, Castiel turned and went to tend to his young brother.

“What did ol’ Balthy do this time?” Castiel asked. Slowly, Samandriel stepped out from behind the oak tree. He did not think that Balthazar knew the exact damage he had caused because it was worse than he had said. Castiel did not know how Balthazar did it, but he managed to shoot an arrow straight through Samandriel’s left shoulder. Blood dripped down from the wound and into his white shirt, leaving it forever stained. It seeped down his arm and his chest. Tears stained his cheeks. His face red from crying and running.

“Samandriel.” Sighed Castiel. “I know it may hurt but Balthazar spoke truly. He did not mean to hurt you. It was an accident. But let me do what I can to make the pain go away.” Castiel cupped Samandriel’s moist cheek. His brother leaned into his touch. The warmth of Castiel’s palm soothing him and bringing him comfort. Castiel offered a small smile and Samandriel returned it with a weary one of his own. “Can you be brave for me? Can you be brave while I make it better?” Castiel asked softly, bending down just enough to become eye level with his brother. He looked into his brother’s pain stricken blue eyes that normally were full of love and happiness. Samandriel nodded to his brother. Tear drops clung to his eyelashes and glistened in the sunlight. They fell to the ground with the nodding that Samandriel had done.

“Good boy.” Said Castiel. He did not know how he would remove the arrow from his brother’s shoulder. The pointed side was all the way through to the other side. It stuck out slightly and dripped blood from the tip. Castiel winced. He didn’t want Samandriel to see his pain. He was supposed to be the brave one. He took a deep breath and thought. The other end of the arrow was bare. There was no decoration or anything to stop it from being pulled out by the arrowhead. Castiel swallowed. He didn’t see any other way to remove the arrow. That was the only way that he would get it out without causing the most pain. Castiel got down onto his knees and took his brothers hands, giving them a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

“The arrow, as you know, cannot stay in your shoulder. That wouldn’t be very good. I have to take it out. Now, to take it out, I have to pull it out. There is no other way, ok? You just have to stay brave until I get it out and then you don’t have to be brave.” Castiel explained as plainly and simply as he could.

“But… won’t it hurt?” Samandriel asked. He didn’t take pain very well. No one did. But Samandriel was still young and he didn’t know how to keep it in quite yet.

“I won’t lie to you, Samandriel. Never.” Castiel paused. “Yes. It will hurt. I can’t stop that. I don’t want it to hurt you but I can’t help it.” Samandriel looked at Castiel. Castiel could see the fear in his moist eyes. “Will you let me get it out?” Castiel asked. It took a moment but Samandriel nodded. “Alright. Here, hold my hand and hang on to me, alright?” Castiel needed no reply. Samandriel took his hand as he stood. Once Castiel was up, he wrapped his other arm around his waist and buried his face in Castiel’s stomach. He held on as tight as he could. “I’m going to pull it out now. Hold on.” Castiel said and he gripped the arrowhead. He took a deep breath, steadying himself and then he pulled. Samandriel stiffened and held his hand tight. A whimper escaped his lips and was muffled by his brother’s stomach. Castiel continued to pull as gently as he could, trying to cause as little pain. Samandriel let out a cry; he couldn’t stand it any longer and Castiel acted fast. With a quick flick of his wrist, the arrow was out and lying bloody on the green ground. He exhaled, noticing at that moment that he wasn’t breathing.  He wrapped his free arm around his brother.

“It’s alright now. Everything is ok. I got it out. You’re ok. You’re ok.” Castiel said. Samandriel hugged him tight and cried into his stomach. Castiel held his brother for a moment. He lifted his hand to rest it on his brother’s head but noticed that it was covered in blood from the arrowhead. He looked at it, feeling suddenly dizzy and clenched it into a fist, dropping it to his side. He closed his eyes and rested his cheek on the top of Samandriel’s head. He breathed as steadily as he could manage and calmed himself. He has never seen so much blood before. Small cuts and shallow scrapes were the only wounds that Castiel has ever seen. There is no reason for the angels to harm themselves. No reason for fighting or self-defense. He didn’t know that so much blood could be contained in such a small body. He did his best to not think about it. He felt sick when he did. His little brother hurt was something he did not approve of at all.

Samandriel still stood crying into his brother’s stomach. Castiel didn’t like seeing his brother like this.

“Hey.” Castiel began. “You did so well, Samandriel. So well. It won’t hurt anymore. I promise. Would you like to see something amazing?” asked Castiel, trying to get Samandriel to stop thinking about what happened. Sniffling, Samandriel looked up at Castiel. His eyes blue like oceans. His cheeks like ripe tomatoes. He nodded; his specialty. “Alright. Here, get up on my back. I have to climb the tree.” Castiel told his brother. It wasn’t the best idea but it was all he had. Castiel turned his back to Samandriel so that he could climb on. He bent down enough so that he could get on his back easily. He waited a moment and then Castiel felt the hands of his brother gripping his shoulders and climbed up as best he could. Castiel helped him up and once up, put his arms under Samandriel’s knees to keep him up. Samandriel put his arms around Castiel’s neck and held on loosely but just tight enough. “Ready?” asked Castiel. “Ready.” Replied Samandriel, his voice breaking slightly. _Ok._ Castiel thought and he straightened himself and walked to the tree he just came from. Once at the tree, he began to climb it as safely as he could with Samandriel on his back. He told him to hang on tight as he made his way up. Samandriel wasn’t too heavy. He didn’t seem to have any weight really. At least Castiel didn’t feel it. Once up the trunk and upon a sturdy bough, Castiel turned his body just enough to let Samandriel climb off his back. And he did. Castiel sat down on the bough and Samandriel sat next to him.

“Look. Look straight out. Right into the distance.” Said Castiel, and pointed a finger out to where he wanted his brother to look. Samandriel followed his brother’s finger and looked out to where he was pointing. “See it? What do you see?” Castiel asked. He looked over at Samandriel and saw him staring out. “Trees.” Samandriel replied. “Blue sky, birds… Father. I see Father. I see everything he made for us.” While his brother looked out, mesmerized by everything that Father made, Castiel built up everything he had in him to try and heal his brother like Michael and Lucifer could. He hadn’t been able to heal like his brothers could. But he knows he has to now. He took a deep breath and concentrated with everything he knew and had and then he placed his hand on his brother’s shoulder and wished that it would heal so hard that his head hurt form wishing. Castiel couldn’t look to see if he had succeeded or not and he didn’t know what he would do if it didn’t work. Castiel didn’t notice but during the time that he had spent wishing his brother’s wound away, Samandriel had leaned against him. Samandriel took comfort in his brother. He knew that if he ever needed anything, Castiel would be there, just as he was now. Castiel looked at his young brother and noticed his eyes had closed. He watched his brother, his breathing labored, his chest heaving gently up and down in sync with his breath. He allowed himself one look, one look to see if he had finally done it. Turning his head slightly and glancing over, Castiel looked at Samandriel’s left shoulder. He was astonished when he saw no wound. He had done it. He had taken away his brother’s pain.  The only evidence there was to there ever being and arrow in Samandriel’s shoulder was the blood that soaked through his shirt,  the hole in the fabric of the left shoulder, and the blood on that was transferred to Castiel’s shirt when he had told Samandriel to hang on to him. Castiel did not try to hold back the grin that spread across his face. He did not hold back the feeling of pride for himself in finally getting it right. He had tried so hard and so long to heal completely but it wasn’t until this moment that he finally managed it. He let that pride engulf him as he wrapped his arms around his little brother. Arms that Samandriel always found to be just like heaven. Always a place to turn to. He held his brother as he fell fast asleep. Castiel did not notice until later the next day that his wings had grown to full size. A bit big for his little body but fitting that they grew because healing his brother is what triggered it. An angel’s wings always grow to full size when they have done something so selfless, it consumes them. It spreads to the tips of the wings and pushes them out, like the roots of the trees push out to reach all the water they can take in. The pride and relief of healing his brother was that selfless act for Castiel.

Castiel will never know this, but his Father, as he walked with Lucifer and Michael, felt the pain that his youngest son felt. He had so much faith that Castiel would heal him that he didn’t interfere. He was right. Castiel did heal Samandriel and he knew that Castiel would. He felt the release of pain when Castiel healed his brother. He felt the pride that Castiel felt for himself. He was watching them the entire time without being there. He did not tell his sons about it. Mentioned nothing of even knowing about the incident. None of the angels told him and he was not angered by their choice. He loved his children. He loved them even as he left heaven. It was the hardest thing that he had ever done. Leaving his children. He wished he didn’t have to, that it didn’t have to be that way but he knew it had to be. And before he left, he took his children, one by one and told them different things. He took Castiel and Samandriel together and said that whatever they did, they had to love each other and the other angels more than anything. He also told them to love his new children, the humans, more than they should love him. Though most of the angels refused, two very special ones listened.

This story was something Castiel remembered as he stabbed his little brother with the angel knife. He thought of that and many other things that he and his brother had done before everything went to hell. “I’m so sorry.” Castiel had said when he killed his brother. He watched his eyes, the familiar ocean blue eyes and the love they contained. That love never drained as his life did. As his light burst from inside his frail vessel. As it consumed him and then just ceased to be.  It was almost as if Castiel has released him. Set him free from everything. He had set Alfie, the vessel, free. That was a fact. “You’ll always be my little brother. I’ll never forget you. And I am so sorry, Alfie. This should not have happened to you.” He had cried blood; the Winchesters had asked to help him. He had been controlled. But he wasn’t being controlled when his Father told him and Samandriel to love the humans more they should love him. He had agreed then and there, never questioning that choice. But in that moment, in his brother’s last seconds, he had realized. He realized that the choice he made, so many years ago back in heaven, that choice, that choice killed his brother. 


End file.
